Dudley's Diary and others
by Wow i still have time to sleep
Summary: this is Dudley's diary, and Harry's and Hermione's, this takes place during the summer in between the 5th and 6th year. all the characters are OOC, plus it's insanely stupid.but you can read anyway :
1. Dudley1

Disclaimer: I don't own the HP characters, but all the others that may be unfamiliar to you are the fruit of my imagination. Can we say that?

Chapter one

*8*8*8*Dudley's Diary*8*8*8*

July 30

This has to be secretly secret. Piers or anybody can find out about this diary. I feel like a fool just writing all this. But whatever. I have to tell somebody. And that somebody isn't mom, dad even less, and NEVER IN THE WORLD that Potter.

The truth is…I'm afraid I'm in love. But not with anybody. Hermione Granger. It's stupid. She'll never like me. I'm too fat. I'd have to be like Harry, nice and skinny. I envy him. I think I owe everyone, well you, my diary, an explanation.

Dad decided to switch selling dental drills, because the other drills just weren't selling. They were too expensive, apparently. Oh well.

So Mr. And Mrs. Granger were invited to dinner to discuss the price and the kinds, etc., and they brought Hermione. Of course I didn't know she was Harry's best friend, and she was so beautiful in that lilac dress, I couldn't help myself blushing. But she only said: Oh, you must be Dudley. That made me blush even more because I'm sure Harry talked about me…not in a nice way. At least Mrs. Granger had some sense to tell them to discuss with them. Harry and Hermione didn't talk to me, though. Big news. 

Tomorrow is Harry's birthday. I decided that for once, I wouldn't forget it. But I'm not being friendly. I just want to know more about Hermione.

July 31

Finally, I didn't give Harry anything for his birthday, but I made a middle-of-year resolution: by next year, Harry won't be in Hermione's picture anymore. Muahaha I'm going on a diet. And I'm going to jog an hour every morning. I'm going to be the most handsome boy on Privet Drive. 

I already smell victory.

Ok that was my first fic, hope you liked it, and even if you didn't, REVIEW please it would be appreciated. And if you want me to update under Hermione and Harry's point of view, then let me know and I'll do that!! Talk to you soon, faithful readers! ~Geneveva  P.-S. this is too short. I'll have to doing something about that…


	2. Hermione1

Disclaimer: I won't repeat it before every chapter, so just check the first one for it.

Chapter 2

*8*8*8*Hermione's Diary*8*8*8*

July 30th

I was utterly disgusted at Dudley's behavior when I went with mum and dad to the Dursleys' to discuss dental drills when I could've finished Hogwarts, a History for the 37th time. Dudley is way fatter, way more disgusting and way more stupid than Harry described. But of course, he left out the sordid details, so it was fine like that. I don't know what Dudley was blushing at. That is the thing that made me laugh the hardest. I'll have to tell Harry about how Dudley's face had become almost as scarlet as the Hogwarts Express.

Pity mum and dad didn't allow Harry and I to go to his room and discuss more sensible matters than dental drills and how they didn't feed Dudley enough at his school.

That certainly would've been my worst dinner ever if Harry hadn't been there.

July 31st

I don't have much to write today, as I wrote everything yesterday except Happy Birthday, Harry! I can't wait till my sweet 16!


	3. Harry1

Disclaimer: see chapter one.

Chapter 3

*8*8*8*Harry's POV*8*8*8*

**** Harry doesn't have a diary yet. He might never have one.

September 1

I dialed Hermione's number. I didn't want to endure Vernon's "I don't see the point" from Privet Drive to King's Cross, like every year.

"Hermione, do you think you parents could give me a ride to King's Cross"

"Of course, we were on our way."

I hung up and pulled all my luggage to the entry. (unfortunately) Dudley stopped me.

"Tell me about Hermione," demanded Dudley.

"We already had this conversation," I declared, hoping he would be stupid enough not to remember I never had the conversation with him, but with Victor (sp) Krum in 4th year.

"When" he frowned.

"During 4th year, with Krum," I shrugged.

"Oh." 

More stupid than that, you DIE.

**

What about that Does it deserve any reviews


	4. Dudley2

Disclaimer: What's with it? Sorry, not repeating.  
  
Chapter 4  
  
*8*8*8*Dudley's diary*8*8*8*  
  
September 21rst  
  
What's with this? Someone told me Hermione's smart so I don't know what's gotten into me and now well I got 98% in my first exam. This is weird. Mum will be happy, of course, but I don't really want to see her reaction because when she's happy she starts calling me "Dudkins" or "my little ickly Duddydums". It's really annoying. I can't stand it anymore. Even Piers started laughing at me because I'm not as big as I was before. So what?  
  
November 11th  
  
I can't believe I lost like 70 pounds since the beginning of the year and well, I dream about Hermione all the time. This is getting really bad. Plus I got 90% average in my report card, 40% better than last year. For all I know I could've been kicked out it dad hadn't payed. Dad pays everything for me. Come to think of it, this Harry has knocked some sense into me. I'm handsomer, I'm smarter, and more popular, oh damn I forgot what I wanted to say (I did too heh heh that's not really funny).  
  
December 1rst  
  
_The first time I saw you, I melted like ice left out in the sun _

_I couldn't take my eyes of your little delicate figure,_

_ because all it did to me was stun._

_ Now that I'm not in you r presence, my life is a blur.  
  
What can I do without you?_

_ Can I survive?_

_ Are you sure I can make it before the curfew?_

_ because in the other girls faces I see you.  
  
you are a witch, _

_I don't care,_

_ when I think of you I twitch, _

_everybody looks at me with a strange air.  
  
I want to give you this poem, but I don't, I'm too shy _

_I'm sure you don't want anything to do with me,_

_ Sugar Sweet Hermione. _

_Oh Hermione.  
_  
Wow that's pretty good. That's the first poem I ever wrote. But should I take out her name? I think it wouldn't be subtle enough if I leave it there. Everyone, see me, notice me, I can think now!!!!!  
  
***  
  
Note: the poem isn't supposed to be good, it comes from Dudley duuuuuuuuuuuuuh!!!::hum hum:: anyway.  
  
does this deserve a review???  
  
::hides behind a book and closes her eyes, hoping::


	5. Hermione2

Disclaimer: I'm fed up of repeating it.

This may lack interest, I'm not in the best writing mood but I figured I'd update because….well because so many people have reviewed (I know 18 reviews isn't a lot and a lot of the ppl who read this reviewed like, 4 times but whatever) and I think it would be nice to…end up the little "suspense" there okies? So here goes. ::what do I write? What do I write?::

Note: they're in sixth year, righty right? I'm inventing a cousin for Hermione. I don't know what her name is yet, but she is in first year. Thought you ought to know.

Oh and um by the way, thanks for reviewing everyone. 

Chapter 5

*8*8*8*Hermione's diary*8*8*8*

September 2nd

I know, I know, school has only started, and activities are already buzzing all around the Griff house. Well in my case, it has. I persuaded Rita Skeeter ( I let her become a human again, if you had to know) in selling the same quills she uses. It's so much easier to do homework. I'm selling them: 1 knut for 1 quill, and 2 knuts for 3. it's a pretty good deal, isn't it? I think it is. And all the people who've bought some thought so too. Anyway.

I'm glad my first class today was potions, because that way, we can get rid of it. Today, we were revising wart-potion (we learned that one in the first-year, I don't see why we have to go over it all over again. Even Neville can make that one pretty well.) As I was doing it, I was thinking of Dudley. It would be funny to see warts growing on his face and whole body, in fact. And that gave me an idea: I kept a sample of it and this summer, Harry shall have to put it in his carrot juice, subtly take a picture and send it to me by Hedwig. It's way safer than muggle-mail, and quicker. Anyhow, now is Arithmancy, we don't want to be late for that now, do we?

September 3rd

NO!!no no no no no!!! it's not fair. Why did Josephine have to be accepted in Hogwarts? I usually finish my homework by eight, then attend to the S.P.E.W. business, but now, I have to help Josephine with her homework because she doesn't understand, plus professot Binns asked us to read Hogwarts, a History. I read 37 and a half times, I practically know the book by heart!! I mean come on, I don't usually complain about homework and stuff, but I have to reply to Viktor Krum, help Josephine with her homework, do mine, make Ron shut up about S.P.E.W. that's not working as well as I expected it to be, bicker with Ron, make Lavender and Parvati shut up about Mrs Trelawney who came back (as if I care, I hate that mole) and ESPECIALLY make Josephine shut up. She never stops. Ever. She's like a broken record that doesn't even know how to say my name : hermy! hermy! hermy! hermy! hermy! hermy! hermy! hermy! hermy! hermy! hermy! hermy! hermy! hermy! hermy! hermy! hermy! hermy! hermy! That's all she can say aaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllllllll evening long. I'm going insane. Luckily Dudley isn't here because he'd be throwing up slugs with beaver teeth. Whew. It sure does feel good to write it all down.

***

Was that a bit too…( how to say) anyway, do you think Hermione should calm down a bit? Or just snap after everyone? Cept Harry of course. Well, I can really tell you the punch now, can I? REVIEW!!! If you want the punch! NOW!


	6. Harry2

Disclaimer: wtf

Merde de merde I forgot what I wanted to write. Why isn't anyone insisting or anything? I feel forgotten ::pouts:: anyhow, here goes. Harry's turn, righty right?

Note: Let's say they have the same subjects as last year, because I don't want to invent something, I'm not in the mood.

Chapter 6

*8*8*8*Harry's POV*8*8*8*

Sept. 2nd

"Potions. We start the year off with _potions_. Couldn't've been worse, han?" complained Ron. As usual. I wasn't really listening. As usual. Ron is getting on my nerves these days. As usual. 

"Ron, please stop complaining, you could be starting by Divination," said Hermione, struggling with her bag.

"But I don't feel like stopping," pouted Ron, opening the door to the potions class. I sighed. Would Hermione and Ron ever stop bickering? I guess not. And this gives me a plan for tomorrow morning…

*/*\*/*\*/*\*/*\*/*\*/*\/*/a few hours later\*/*\*/*\*/*\*/*\*/*\

"Harry! Harry!" said someone, shaking me

"What?" I asked groggily, opening my eyes.

"Potions is finished, it's history. You slept through the whole class." Said Ron.

I groaned. Not again.

Sept. 3rd.

Last night, I sent an owl to Ron from Hermione, and one to Hermione from Ron. It pretty much said the same thing:

I like you a lot. Would you mind meeting me in the far corner of the common room tonight at 11:10? I'm almost sure we'll be alone.

Hermione or Ron.

Perfect plan. Or so I thought.

***

this sucks badly but I want you to review this anyway, OK.

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V isn't this button beautiful? Isn't it just…_calling_ you? I know I'm weird. ;o)


	7. Harry 22

Thanx 4 all the reviews…that includes all the reviews…yeah…here goes…

Disclaimer: …

Note: none

Chapter 7

*8*8*8*Harry's POV (suite)*8*8*8*

I was peacefully sleeping in my bed when Ron tore open my curtain.

"Harry!" he whispered _a little too_ loudly.

"Haan? What?" I asked.

"Why did you send these stupid letters?" he demanded.

"Which letters? Oh oh those…" I shrugged. "Dunno. I guess I was fed up of all that bickering you know."

"Not a reason," said Ron, pulling off his pants and pulling on his pajamas and his maroon Weasley  jumper.

"Not for you," I retorted. I closed my eyes but I didn't go to sleep.

Maybe it was a really stupid reason.

***

December 15

Saturday morning. A whole day of homework awaits me. But first I have to eat breakfast even if I'm not hungry because Hermione will start going on and on about S.P.E.W. or _spew_.

Great. Owls. Not as if I ever…

"Harry! Look it's Hedwig!" said Dean, pointing a snowy white owl.

She was holding a small white envelope…with Dudley's unmistakable chicken scratch.

_Harry,_

_Mum and Dad have accepted to have you home for Christmas. We'll have the Grangers over and we will have a blast. Hermione is invited too, of course. So see you then,_

_Dudley_

Oh joy.

***

ReViEw!!! NOW!!! Thanks!


	8. Hermione3

Disclaimer: …

Note: Sorry!!! Sorry!!! Sorry Sorry Sorry again!!! I haven't updated in _ages_! Well here goes with Hermione. This is all quite random stuff, and spontaneous. I just sit on my computer and type type type! And then post. I'm sure you didn't want to know that, did you? Oh well.

Chapter 8 

888Hermione888

December 1rst

OH no oh no oh nooooooo!!! It's not fair!!! I have to go to the _DURSLEYS_ for Christmas. The _DURSLEYS_. And at the Dursleys…there's Dudley_!!! Big, fat, ugly stupid DUDLEY_ who has a _CRUSH_ on me. It _couldn't_ get any worse! [I'm starting to be like Emily B. Starr from Emily of New Moon that I read when I was a muggle. I'm using _italics!_]

Luckily Harry will be there. I'll talk to him about coaxing Ron to come. And I'll bring some dung bombs and things of the sort. When I get out from 4 Privet Drive, Dudley will be _sorry_ he _ever_ messed with me.

But wait! What did he do to me? He only looked at me with puppy eyes, almost drooling all over my dress. I may be exaggerating, but it _is _Dudley. 

I loooooooooooove Malfoy and my cousin next to him. I consider Dudley as a slug.

By the way I made Rita Skeeter give me her quill! It's way quicker to write, though sometimes it starts gossiping and writing stuff it already wrote for Rita in the Prophet. But I'll file down its rough edges for him. It's no big deal.

Now I guess I'll go to bed because it's like midnight and I don't want to wake the other girls up with this scratching. Good night diary, until next time

Hermione


	9. Hermione4

Disclaimer: ::space space space space space:: so yeah.

A/N: hermi is a bit hyper, don't you think? I like making hyper charas. It cools me down. So if this isn't long, it's because my dad has shooed me, all right?

Chapter 9

888Hermione888

December 22nd

::groan:: Not Josephine _again!_ She'll never learn to shut up!

It will be Harry's first Christmas out of Hogwarts. Poor thing. I'll hug him. I really don't envy him.

But wait a minute. I'm going too, right? So…I shouldn't be complaining? We're equal? Woo hoo! I always _dreamed_ that I would be equal to Harry one day. Just…not in these circumstances.

Ron decided to come too. He didn't want to stay alone in Hogwarts. We'll pretend he's my long lost brother or cousin or something.

Talking about cousin, Josephine

_Shut up._

There. Now I'll go finish Harry's gift and I'll finish packing.

See you diary. Bebye!

::blows a kiss::

Hermione

A/N c'est quoi cette horreur inhumaine???

Whatever.

I decided there would be a punch, But i don't remember what it is. Pathetic, huh?

V

Please review I like going in my inbox and seeing other stuff than AUTHOR ALERT!!! Review alert is pretty cool!!!


	10. at the Dursleys for xmas o

Ew ew ew ew ew ew EW!!!!

I'm sorry everyone but I'm not going to update this anymore.

Ok maybe when I'm bored but please don't count on it because I don't really like this story. If you want to, you can read my other story, called sweet dreams Hilary potter's story.

BUT to make you happy, I'll write an extra long chappi now! ::inhales deeply:: here goes.

December 25thà 4 Privet Drive

"Oh Christmas tree oh Christmas tree! How evergreen your branches!" sang the Dursleys and Hermione's parents. Petunia and Vernon had become quite good friends with the Grangers. Hermione was happy: that meant spending more time with Harry, but Harry was disgusted that nice people like the Grangers become friends with disgusting people like the Dursleys.

There had been a change, though: Dudley didn't look as fat as when he left for Hogwarts or for the Burrow, he didn't remember. It looked like he had slimmed down a bit. Harry wondered whether it was his love for Hermione or just because he was rejected in school.

"It's not like that! It's: mon beau sapin, roi des forêts, que j'aime ta parure ! » said Hermione.

Harry excused himself with Ron and laughed.

"Hermione will do anything to make Dudley stop loving her!" said Ron, gasping for air.

Harry nodded and started laughing again. All this was just too funny.

Just then, Hermione arrived.

"Let's get out of here!" she whispered, opening the window on the chilly winter night.

The two boys stuffed their fists in their mouths and quietly exited the 4, Privet Drive.

"So, where are we going now?" asked Ron. Hermione just shook her head and pointed. Though he couldn't see it yet, Harry understood: the Night Bus. It crashed into the bushes just beside them and opened the door:

"Welcome on the Night Bus. Where do you wish to go?"

"The Leaky cauldron," the three friends said in unison.

A/N this makes me sick. Please review anyway! GEn


	11. the Night Bus and the leaky cauldron

I haven't updated this in AGES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So here goes.

(((((())))))

December 25 the Night Bus

"Hello Neville!" said Ernie the driver, grinning.

"He's not Neville, he's Harry," corrected Ron.

Harry made a sign telling him it didn't really matter. If Ernie thought he looked like a Neville, then let it be that. Harry and Hermione had already been on the Night Bus, so they were somewhat used to all the brusque twists, turns and squeezes. Ron, though, was green in a second. Hermione ushered him to the washroom, where he stayed for the majority of the voyage.

"So…why did you take the Night Bus before?" asked Harry.

Hermione shrugged.

"To…get away from the Muggle world, I suppose. Sometimes, it aggravates me that my parents aren't like us, and I need to breathe, so I take the Night Bus to the Leaky Cauldron. I often wander around Knockturn-I mean Diagon Alley. It's beautiful during the night. I wish you could come sometimes," replied Hermione dreamily. Harry nodded, not wanting to understand the true meaning behind Hermione's words.

"Leaky Cauldron, next stop!!!" yelled Ernie.

On hearing this, Ron struggled out of the bathroom and fell on the floor.

"Bloody hell it's cramped in there!!! God forbid a big mate like Hagrid needs to use these things!" he said.

Harry and Hermione laughed. After all, it was Christmas, and anything un-funny was funny.

The Bus suddenly came to a halt and the trio was vilently thrown forward in the door. They fell out as Ernie opened.

"Merry Christmas!" he chuckled and continued zooming and zigzagging through the London streets.

"He forgot to make us pay, old mate, I'm even surprised he can see through those spectacles," stated Ron.

"Ron!! You don't know what it is to be blind!" said Hermione.

"You don't either!" retorted Ron.

Hermione only stuck her tongue out at him.

"Will you stop bickering?" asked Harry. His two friends both shook their heads.

"Do you want any rooms? I have two left," said Tom, the bartender.

The three nodded.

"Well, I'm going to bed. Good night and Merry end of Christmas," said Ron, taking a key and running up the stairs two by two.

Hermione shrugged and took the other key. She followed Harry up the stairs to the room they would be….sharing. There were two beds anyway.

They got all ready and before turning off the lights, Hermione went over to Harry and kissed his cheek.

"Good night," she said and pressed the switch.

Harry lay awake, staring at the ceiling his cheek burning for hours and hours into the night.

A/N ok now that was good. Better than all the other stuff! And longer ;)  
  
xoxsnowPrincessxox: I took your idea!!! I don't know if you're still reading.


	12. Thoughts

Disclaimer: I don't own...Dudley Dursley, Petunia and Vernon Dursley, Hermione Granger, Mr. And Mrs. Granger, Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry, Professor Snape, professor Binns, but I do own the two diaries and Josephine and the idea of Hermi and Harry being together, and the sickening thought that Dudley is in love/infatuated/has a crush with/with/on Hermione! Anyway you get the point.

A/N: Ok, ok ok ok ok I'm updating and it's not because of you! I actually FEEL like it!!

888Dudley's diary888

Oh my goodness. Everything and everyone is turning against me!

Let me explain.

I _finally_ picked up enough courage to tell...gosh it gives me the shivers(good ones) just writing her name! Hermione. So I went up to the room that she was staying in because I assumed the two other boys went there. I know the redhead is not her brother or cousin. He's Harry's mate. I may be stupid but not that much. At least, I don't think so. So I went there and when I saw the bathroom window open, and guessing they _weren't _in the room, well, I went outside looking for them. They couldn't be _that_ far. So I wandered around a bit but soon enough, I got tired of walking, so I went inside and I yelled that Hermione and Harry and Ronald had _disappeared_. Then went up to my room and cried. I don't know if liking Hermione is worth it...I mean she visibly hates me...

Maybe if I was magic like them, they'd accept me more. Maybe...they'd _like_ me. You know I've always been curious about how that stick of Harry's works.

Anyway I'm getting hungry and it's late. I'll just get myself an apple and go to sleep after. Though I know I won't be able to. Hermione keeps me awake all night and all day.

Hermione I love you. Especially when you sang that song in French.

**8**88Hermione's Diary888

There. It's done. He knows. I talked to Ron about my...liking for Harry, and he said that I should go for it and tell him. I mean it was meant for us to go to the Leaky Cauldron for Christmas, and I told Ron I'd find a way. My parents knew too about everything. They didn't believe when I said that Dudley was a good-for-nothing loser, but they did encourage me to tell Harry how I felt too. It was meant to be that Ron would take a room alone, and that me and Harry would be together. And it was also meant to be that I would sit on his bed and talk to him for a real long time, and well, give him his gift, but that's not exactly how it turned out.

We-well he was dead tired and well I thought that it was better to let him sleep.

Or at least that's what I thought. Because I could hear him breathe very late into the night. I think I could've gotten up and talked to him.

But at the same time I didn't want to wake him if he was asleep. So I guess it's better like that.

I'll think this over in the morning.

888Harry's POV888

I can't sleep.

A/N ahhhhhhhhhhahahah that entry for Harry was SSOOOOOOOOOOO random!!

Review plz


	13. Randomness

I'm sure no one is going to review this. I just reread this, and the last time i updated, it was in September…

All the caracters are OOC…

Plus…everything just DOESN"T MAKE SENSE.

OK after all this I'm positive now that I will not get any reviews.

:wails: DID YOU SEE HOW SHORT THE CHAPTERS WERE?

Please forgive me.

Disclaimer: already said it.

Chapter 13

888Harry's POV8888

Why on Earth? I don't even like the girl.

True, she did kiss me. But it wasn't the first time.

I know, I know I like her as a friend and all…she is my best friend with Ron, after all, but…when she comes into a room or something, nothing happens. My face doesn't get hot, my hands don't get sweaty…hell my heart maybe even slows down due to boredom. But how can I know that?

Oh gosh why am I THINKING about her…

She obviously never even looked at me.

She's a HUFFLEPUFF for crying out loud.

So why is my cheek burning after Hermione kissed me?

Wait. There's a mirror in the bathroom. Let me go see…

888Hermione's Diary888

December 26th, 3 o'clock in the morning

Everything is going just _terribly _wrong…

I was peacefully sleeping when I heard a scream.

I swear to Merlin that first, I jumped out of my skin onto the floor, my heart itself jumped out of my chest and raced to the bathroom, me following, I must add…and then my blood just froze in my veins as I stared in utter _horror_ at the scene in front of me.

Harry's face was just…completely _swollen_!

If it would have been Ron, I would be dead of laughter right now…

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT HARRY IS ALLERGIC TO MY ONE POUND LIPGLOSS?

How on _eart_h is he supposed to like me after this?

Well I don't know. But I do know that when he saw my reaction—oh he is sexy shirtless, by the way—he just said: "It's ok Hermione, go back to bed. My face is just a bit messed up because I think I kind of reacted to your one pound lip gloss, but it's no big deal. It's happened before."

So I just went back to bed like an obedient little girl.

But…if this already happened to him BEFORE…that means another girl KISSED him.

OH in the name of Merlin…

8888

Petunia went upstairs to console her son. Vernon, against his own will, called the police. Mr and Mrs Granger, doing as if they didn't know anything, left.

Vernon was left alone in the living room, sipping a glass of red wine.

"I always wanted to get rid of that stupid magic boy."

He smiled, and downed his glass in one shot.

He wiped his moustache, left his glass on the coffee table, thinking: "Petunia will clean it up in the morning." Then, he got his big derriere to bed, dreaming about a new life without Harry.

88888

888Dudley's diary888

January 4th

THANK GOODNESS THEY'RE ALIVE!

Harry showed up this morning. He had forgotten his trunk, he had said. He was accompanied by Mr Granger, but Hermione stayed in the car.

I did get a glimpse of her lovely, bushy, voluminous hair…

Oh it made my heart flip over and do hip-hop in there…

Wait a minute. Do you think that if I learned hip-hop, it would impress her?

I'll ask dad if he can pay some classes.

I'm TOTALLY on the way to a new, better, American life.

Oh it will be better.

Because even though Hermione is English, it will be better.

_Oh Hermione._

A/N If ever people ever read this, I will be grateful for LIFE. And review, please!

I'm sorry if this was random. I have to kinda go, and anyway, I didn't have anymore inspiration so I stopped it there…personally, I think that you will laugh if you are tired and you read this.

Anyway.

This is a chapter from a story that should be dead since a looooooooong time.

So there.

Lassa xxx

Aka Gen


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